Sending the First Message
Once you are all set up at your chosen dating website, it’s then time to start browsing through the profiles of other members and contacting anyone that interests you. If you are new to online dating, then you should probably take it slowly and not start messaging too many people. It pays to be selective and stick to contacting people that you genuinely think could be a good match for you, and also someone that’s likely to be interested in you in return.
If you discover the profile of someone that you want to get in contact with, then you’ll have to send them a message to get the communication started. This can be nerve wracking, particularly for those just getting started with online dating, but it shouldn’t really be anything to fear. You should remember that other members will have signed up at the online dating website for similar reasons to you, so don’t be afraid to be forward and make contact with anyone that interests you.
The first message you send via the dating website is, of course, an important one. Your message, together with your profile, is all that any potential match has to judge you on, and if you want them to contact you back, then you need to put thought into what you write. If you get your message right, then your chances of receiving a response will be much greater. If you follow the advice below, then you stand a good chance of being contacted back.
Keep it Short
Your first message should be short, simple, and to the point. There’s always a chance that the person you are contacting gets a lot of messages, and they may not want to read through long emails. Remember that you have your online dating profile to actually sell yourself, so you don’t need to repeat all of the information that’s already there. You should just write a short introduction and include a reason or two as to why you have contacted this particular person.
Make it Personal
There’s nothing more off putting than receiving messages from people who have clearly gone to no effort to personalize their message and have just sent out something generic. Using a dating website should be a personal experience, and not just a case of putting a message together and sending it out to dozens of people that vaguely match certain criteria.
The best messages, and therefore those with the greatest chance of being responded to, will be clearly personalized to the recipient. If there’s something in their profile that has particularly caught your eye, then you should make reference to that. For example, if you have a shared interest in something, then mention that to them in your message.
Pretty much everyone likes being flattered, and it’s no different at online dating websites. If you want to make a good impression on the recipient of your message, then it will do no harm to throw in a compliment. Again, you should make your compliment personal rather than just a generic “I think you look gorgeous” type of comment. You don’t need to go overboard, but a nice positive comment is much more likely to elicit a favorable response.
Don’t Be Too Keen
There’s nothing wrong with appearing interested in someone when you contact them. After all, people sign up at dating websites precisely because they are looking to find someone interested in them. However, for your first message, you shouldn’t be too forward or pushy. Comments such as “I think you are the one for me” could be a little much for an initial contact. By all means you can suggest that you would be interested in meeting up, but you should keep any suggestions pretty casual and open-ended. Something along the lines of “It would be really nice to get to know you better and maybe meet up at some point” should be fine.
You don’t need to spend hours trying to come up with the perfect message when contacting someone, but you really should put a bit of effort into what you write. You should attempt to add creativity if you can or something to make you stand out from other potential matches. Above all else your message should be a fairly low-key introduction that piques the interest of the recipient and encourages a response.